This week our focus is on the scary stories we are writing in class. Revising is one of the most important parts about writing--when we continue to add details and descriptions, it helps our reader visualize.
1.) Please select a "HOT SPOT" in your scary story and 'ZOOM IN" to add more details! Remember a "HOT SPOT" is a place in your writing where you can add more description (Hint: you can add an action, a thought, a 'talk', and a feeling or focus on the five senses). 2.) Write out the original sentence or part of the story you'd like to revise and add more detail. 3.) Write out the revised paragraph below the original one. The purpose of this assignment is to practice revising and adding more detail! You can then add it to your story! Example: ORIGINAL SENTENCE: I walked down the street admiring the Halloween decorations. I always hesitated as I neared the Murdock Mansion. It was the creepiest house on the block. REVISED PARAGRAPH: I walked slowly down the street admiring my neighbors’ Halloween decorations. Across the street in a ranch-style home, sat a skeleton complete with bright green eyes. Large cotton spider webs stretched from tree to tree adorned with large, fuzzy, black spiders. On the front yard of the next house, sat a pair of witches legs sticking out from the green grass after looking like she crash-landed directly into her neighbor’s lawn. I chuckled. Gotta love Halloween. I continued walking and eventually approached thet the tall, dark house on the corner. The Merdock Mansion. The Merdock Mansion looked like a scene straight out of a scary movie, and certainly didn’t seem to belong in this modest neighborhood. I shivered as I walked past the dilapidated, unkempt, two-story home. The house, partially covered by unrelenting vines and bare tree branches lurking over the roof, was often the setting for haunted stories told amongst friends. Almost every person who has walked past the Merdock Mansion had a story about it. Kids claimed they’d seen skeletons dancing in front of windows and old ladies with no face rocking in chairs. Others swear they’d heard wolves howling, women screaming, and fingernails scratching at the door.
24 Comments
10/29/2018 06:36:56 pm
original sentence: Mavrick walked up to Goose's house
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will
10/29/2018 06:49:32 pm
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Mr.Kickbutt, not LIAM
10/30/2018 03:07:05 pm
Old sentence. "When we arrived at school, we walked quietly into Smart Aleck Elementary past the front desk, and then we started sprinting.
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Mr.Kickbutt, Not LIAM
10/30/2018 03:08:16 pm
Oops, that was kind of a run on sentence.
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do you have a head? aka jackson
10/30/2018 03:57:03 pm
hahahahahahaha
DO YOU HAVE A HEAD? JACKSON
10/30/2018 04:03:54 pm
Original sentence He walked closer to the bedroom. Inside he saw a bed.
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elli i love bailey
10/30/2018 04:14:08 pm
Original-
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Finn
10/30/2018 04:54:13 pm
Original sentence
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PANDA QUEEN/ARIANNA
11/1/2018 03:19:08 pm
Good job!
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10/30/2018 05:02:36 pm
While they wen't further into the forest their was a lot of candy by a creek.
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Wyatt J.
10/30/2018 06:36:21 pm
The quote that I am using from my scary story is this:"I woke up in a place I didn't recognize: it looked like a hospital bed." My new and revised on is this: "My eyes split open, revealing a place that I didn't know. I saw doctors rushing around, but they seemed to be paying me no attention. I was sitting in a nice comfy hospital bed. The sheets draped over my arms."
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Arianna
11/1/2018 01:21:10 pm
I walked down the murkey grave yard I saw the vines cure up the rocks like it was chocking them. There was dark ruby color blood on all the rocks with names all the sudden I heard this voice saying "Come with me." I rushed to the door but the door was gone! I trembled so much I was going to fall on back. Suddenly my clown jumpped out of my hands and said "This is the time I come to kill you!" I leaped back in tears as I ran under a tree the green fog lifted in the air where I could not see. The bare trees stuck up like it was going to chock me. Again I heard the scratching on the tree behind me. This is the worst day ever!
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KAITLIN SCHATZ
11/1/2018 07:22:02 pm
You did really good!
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ARIANNA GRANDE/ARIANNA
11/2/2018 06:10:54 am
THANK YOU!
Claire!
11/1/2018 02:55:27 pm
Original sentence: The two went in and followed the other people into the old kitchen.
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mia
11/1/2018 03:10:11 pm
Original sentence : We start sprinting down the sidewalk to the edge of a creepy forest.
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lyla
11/1/2018 03:29:48 pm
"Finally it was trick or treating time and Arianna was leading the way. She accidentally led us into the forest and we found a creepy graveyard."
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Bach the savage$
11/1/2018 06:20:21 pm
It was Halloween and i went trick or treating I just got candy from one house and i had more to go. I slowly walked over admiring all the decorations. I think It was the scariest house in the neighborhood. It had fog all around it and it had great craving also it had spider all over the house. It took a look inside an there was blood every were. That was the scariest house on the neighborhood.
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KAITLIN SCHATZ
11/1/2018 07:16:16 pm
Original sentence she ran to the building.
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KAITLIN SCHATZ
11/1/2018 07:33:10 pm
Its a long sentence and I accidentally forgot some punctuations!
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MR.MONKEY A.K.A WYATT BRANISH
11/1/2018 07:36:10 pm
Origanal sentences:Deplaning in Ohio, Kyle and Abia saw the two bookmobiles waiting at the airport parking lot.
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Kira pratt
11/2/2018 06:47:08 am
ORIGANAL SENTENCE : I went into the barn to be safe from the pumpkin. Rivised sentence : I ran into the barn as fazt as I could to be safe from the most terrifying, ugly monster I have ever seen.
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Old Sentance.my parents used to fight a lot,not with other, not with each other, but other people for a living.bang wap pow as I saw saw my parents figting other other people I got scared are they wdd fighting or just fight for fun I don't no so I went to my room
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Cole
11/2/2018 01:13:45 pm
Original: They all charged in.
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